As I clean out yet another bunch of spam mail from my email box, I just have to state a few things to you.

First, I don't care what Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, or whatever little "famous for being pretty" female is up to.  Or wearing.  Or not wearing. Or if they have a video. 

Second, I don't have a Bank of America account, please stop telling me I need to confirm or renew information.  That goes for you to, Mr. "Your Paypal Account has been Hacked".  Or that someone is bidding with my Ebay name.  If any of you really knew me, you wouldn't be sending me emails from an email account with adlkgine@ as the beginning of the address.  And you would be addressing me by name, not by "Dear Customer".

Thirdly, I don't want to buy a cheap watch, purse, jewelry.  I don't care if you do say it's an authentic whatever.  I am not going to purchase one through you, Mr. woneriendlgiblah at bufta.com. 

But most importantly, please dear spam people, please realize that I am a woman.  Therefore, I'm not interested in Viagra, Cialis, or their cheaper Canadian counterpart.  I'm not interested in enlarging my male parts, pleasing the females in my life, or making other men jealous of the size of my "man pole".  Really, who opens an email that contains the words "man pole" in the title anyway? 

Please, make my life easier and take me off your list.  Better yet, make the world a better place by not sending these emails out to anyone ever again.  Use that time to feed the hungry or pick up trash on the side of the highway instead.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008 10:35:36 AM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

You may not make raisins by hiding grapes by the lamp. 

Wednesday, August 20, 2008 12:43:34 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

No really...I was...

and then, I got sucked into the Olympics again.  Darn gymnastics finals. And pole vaulting. 

But, I got to see Bob Costas do a piece about Olympic induced sleep deprivation.  It made me giggle.  Then again, at this rate, just about anything could seem funny. 

We're all getting a little punchy around here.  The boys have been staying up to watch swimming.  And I let them. Hey, it was Olympic history in the making!  Maura stayed up later last night to watch gymnastics.  She clapped for everyone - b/c they all did a good job.  Better than I ever could! 

But I'm tired.  And there's still more track and field and diving.  ack. 

Monday, August 18, 2008 11:11:40 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

Maura's been singing it this morning*, so what the heck?  Why should I be the only person with it stuck in my head?

*note that Maura's version is more "Bob bob ba bans, Bob bob ba bans, Bob bob ba bans....Bob bob bob BOB!"

Okay, there's been an addition - I'm also adding "The Campfire Song Song" - also by the Spongebob.  My boys love the Camping episode, with this song...to the point that Collin sings along to it every time.  Which cracks me up. 

Monday, August 18, 2008 10:29:38 AM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

Welcome to a new feature here on my blog, where I write random letters to complete strangers, or possibly my own children and pets, concerning their behavoirs, etc...enjoy!

Dear Cyclists,

I know that you enjoy spending time riding up and down the hills and curves and straight aways of the lovely country roads outside of Ann Arbor.  I know this because at least once a week and twice on Sundays, I nearly send one of your kind to meet your Maker.

Like this morning - there was the first group of your kind, pedaling up a hill, three across.  Luckily, I saw you with plenty of time to go from 55 mph (the speed limit) down to about 20 mph.  As I drive a  Landtank Suburban, I do need adaquate time to slow down to a crawl.  And luckily, the two cars behind me had enough time to slow down before smashing into my backside, as it took you three a couple minutes to finally get single file racing position. 

My son couldn't believe that anyone would ride three across like that.  But then, as I came around an S curve, made partially blind by all those scenic corn crops, I came upon two more of you, riding side by side.  I tapped on my horn to make my presence known, so that the pair could go into single line formation.  However, while one of you did turn to notice me, the one in the middle of the lane I was trying to drive in, you did not bother to move over.  I had to wait and go around via the other lane. 

Now, I know the arguments. "Share the Road."  "We have every right to be there."  "They're our roads too!" 

Yes.  I get that.  But...

A) There is a BIG difference between your lightweight two wheeled vehicle and my however many tons of four wheel drive Suburban.  If I come around a curve and you're in the middle of the road, I may not be able to stop in time. 

B) Those roads you like to use for a good workout or a Sunday ride are my ways into town.  Our reasons for being on them are completely different.  I have to use them to get to church, grocery stores, my child's doctor appointments.  They are my way of getting around the picturesque area that you like to ride through. 

C) "Share the Road" goes both ways.  That means you don't hog the whole lane.  If you see me coming, please, get over as far as it's safely possible for you to do and I promise not to blow by you too quickly.

D) Don't park on some cute country road to fix your tire.  You will get run over.  It may seem like no one uses them, but they do.  (This one is for my father, who saw this and was glad they were on the other side of the road - for if he'd been coming in the other direction, he would have never saw them in time to stop.)

Let's make a deal - I won't drive through any of the bike lanes in town if you don't make my travels on my roads a big pain in the butt. 

Thanks.

The Woman in the Big SUV

Sunday, August 17, 2008 5:29:21 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

Behind the Thumb...

Dear Mama...can you get me a sandbox please?  I only have a pile of dirt to dig in.

The day we discovered why we kept going through a loaf of bread a day - what you don't see is after that, she feeds it to the dog.  Her expression is one of "What?  You mean I'm not supposed to be doing this?"

And a shot of the butterfly Maura caught today.  In the butterfly net.  When she was actually chasing butterflies. Sean and I were impressed.  After this picture, we gently let the butterfly go free and he flew along his merry way.

Saturday, August 16, 2008 8:48:46 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

Last year, I tried growning tomatoes.  It did work, but I didn't like them where I had them.  This year, I cleared out the area and planted petunias the kids gave me for Mother's Day and some alyssum (the little white flowers.)  My thought was that it would be a nice way to walk up to the side door.  Since I planted alyssum seeds, I didn't want to pull budding plants.  So waited a bit to weed it.  And discovered a few weeks later that I had petunias, alyssum, and tomato plants.  Oh, and weeds.  Definitely weeds. 

I decided "Oh what the heck, let's see what happens." and left the tomato plants.

Lo and behold - I now have several green tomatoes.  So I eased the poor neglected plants into tomato stands.  I'm hoping the tomatoes ripen nicely, and then I can make salsa to can with homegrown tomatoes!  It is amazing that anything survives in those planter boxes.  I neglect them horribly and the soil isn't great.  I'm hoping to improve that with my compost. 

Saturday, August 16, 2008 8:42:37 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

That crazy woman with the four kids trailing her all over the store, taking up too much room with her kids in the back to school section?  Who kept losing one of them? 

Yeah, that was me.

What possesed me to take four kids out shopping today?  Well,  A -  we needed food.   B - Maura's car seat (her Britax Gianormus) was in the mini van...that was parked at the airport for the next few days.  Maura needs a 5 pt harness.  Especially if we're going to drive through city traffic to get to a friend's Chuck E. Cheese party next Tuesday.  We're like half the party, we have to show up! 

So we hit Target for the car seat, then wandered into the back to school section.  The kids whined a bit, until I threatened to start dancing around, singing "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year".  That humored the stock boy who overheard us.  Glad I could bring some joy to his life.  I also found some joy shopping the "back to college" section.  Since we live near the Great and Victorious U of Michigan, they have great college sales.  I found a butterfly chair.  I love butterfly chairs.  LOVE.  We had one for the longest time, until the seat cover ripped and I couldn't find a replacement cover.

We also did a little shoplifting.  By pure accident of course!  Two items slid under the car seat box, which Sean noticed just as we exited the doors of Target.  He said "Uh, are we going to pay for those things?"  Shoot!  Maura and I ran back in with said shoplifted items and became honest people again. 

Then it was off to Meijer.  Since I never heard of Meijer before we moved here, it's kind of like a Super Wal Mart, only way way better.  I've started grocery shopping there b/c we really can't afford Whole Paycheck Foods for full on grocery shopping, but I still want the organic stuff.  Meijer has it's own line of organic goods.  Like milk, and ketchup.  They also buy much of their produce locally.  They also have an ice cream stand in the produce section, so the kids got ice cream cones.  Why?  Because Maura was full on screech mode, wanting the grapes.  The ice cream cone kept her quiet for almost the whole trip.  I got my ninety-nine cents worth out of it!

Yeah, my Friday has been just off the wall fun.  Now I have to make dinner early since ice cream cones were lunch.  I would think that would make me a bad mom, but the kids disagree. 

Friday, August 15, 2008 4:08:12 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

Really, there's not much to report from these regions.  Collin has asked me 15 times about playing Wii, to which I've always answered "no".  Sean is gluing popsicle sticks together.  Maura spilled cereal all over the living room floor, and then brought me what was left and a bowl.  And Miriam just went outside with her self-made fishing pole (a stick with some string), with a carrot tied to the end, after announcing that she's going to go rabbit fishing.

Yep, nothing  unusual going on here.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008 2:08:51 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [1] 

I do believe this song is appropo for my "What do you mean I have to wait three more weeks still for school to start?" state of mind.

"Funny Farm" by Dr. Demento -

Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:11:04 AM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

So last Saturday, I bought a loaf of bread.  On Sunday morning, Josh went to make french toast and asked me where the bread was.

"On the counter."  I replied.

He held up the bag of bread...which only had four slices left.

"Check the breadbox."  I suggested.

He did. The breadbox was empty.

Now, we didn't have grilled cheese for dinner, nor did Miriam make "cakes" out of several pieces of bread, like I would do as a child.  That left only a couple of scenarios.  Either the dog at a bunch of it, it got dropped and spilled onto the floor and someone threw away 27 slices of bread, or Maura was somehow involved.

Today, we found our answer - scenarios A and C.  We discovered this as Josh and I sat here at the table, on our laptops, and Maura comes in with three pieces of bread and the dog following her.  She stops, the dog sits, and Maura tosses a piece of bread to the floor.

We hide a lot of things from this child, but bread?  That never made my list of things to keep away from Maura. 

Friday, August 08, 2008 12:46:40 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0]