Welcome to a new feature here on my blog, where I write random letters to complete strangers, or possibly my own children and pets, concerning their behavoirs, etc...enjoy!

Dear Cyclists,

I know that you enjoy spending time riding up and down the hills and curves and straight aways of the lovely country roads outside of Ann Arbor.  I know this because at least once a week and twice on Sundays, I nearly send one of your kind to meet your Maker.

Like this morning - there was the first group of your kind, pedaling up a hill, three across.  Luckily, I saw you with plenty of time to go from 55 mph (the speed limit) down to about 20 mph.  As I drive a  Landtank Suburban, I do need adaquate time to slow down to a crawl.  And luckily, the two cars behind me had enough time to slow down before smashing into my backside, as it took you three a couple minutes to finally get single file racing position. 

My son couldn't believe that anyone would ride three across like that.  But then, as I came around an S curve, made partially blind by all those scenic corn crops, I came upon two more of you, riding side by side.  I tapped on my horn to make my presence known, so that the pair could go into single line formation.  However, while one of you did turn to notice me, the one in the middle of the lane I was trying to drive in, you did not bother to move over.  I had to wait and go around via the other lane. 

Now, I know the arguments. "Share the Road."  "We have every right to be there."  "They're our roads too!" 

Yes.  I get that.  But...

A) There is a BIG difference between your lightweight two wheeled vehicle and my however many tons of four wheel drive Suburban.  If I come around a curve and you're in the middle of the road, I may not be able to stop in time. 

B) Those roads you like to use for a good workout or a Sunday ride are my ways into town.  Our reasons for being on them are completely different.  I have to use them to get to church, grocery stores, my child's doctor appointments.  They are my way of getting around the picturesque area that you like to ride through. 

C) "Share the Road" goes both ways.  That means you don't hog the whole lane.  If you see me coming, please, get over as far as it's safely possible for you to do and I promise not to blow by you too quickly.

D) Don't park on some cute country road to fix your tire.  You will get run over.  It may seem like no one uses them, but they do.  (This one is for my father, who saw this and was glad they were on the other side of the road - for if he'd been coming in the other direction, he would have never saw them in time to stop.)

Let's make a deal - I won't drive through any of the bike lanes in town if you don't make my travels on my roads a big pain in the butt. 

Thanks.

The Woman in the Big SUV

Sunday, August 17, 2008 5:29:21 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

Behind the Thumb...

Dear Mama...can you get me a sandbox please?  I only have a pile of dirt to dig in.

The day we discovered why we kept going through a loaf of bread a day - what you don't see is after that, she feeds it to the dog.  Her expression is one of "What?  You mean I'm not supposed to be doing this?"

And a shot of the butterfly Maura caught today.  In the butterfly net.  When she was actually chasing butterflies. Sean and I were impressed.  After this picture, we gently let the butterfly go free and he flew along his merry way.

Saturday, August 16, 2008 8:48:46 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

Last year, I tried growning tomatoes.  It did work, but I didn't like them where I had them.  This year, I cleared out the area and planted petunias the kids gave me for Mother's Day and some alyssum (the little white flowers.)  My thought was that it would be a nice way to walk up to the side door.  Since I planted alyssum seeds, I didn't want to pull budding plants.  So waited a bit to weed it.  And discovered a few weeks later that I had petunias, alyssum, and tomato plants.  Oh, and weeds.  Definitely weeds. 

I decided "Oh what the heck, let's see what happens." and left the tomato plants.

Lo and behold - I now have several green tomatoes.  So I eased the poor neglected plants into tomato stands.  I'm hoping the tomatoes ripen nicely, and then I can make salsa to can with homegrown tomatoes!  It is amazing that anything survives in those planter boxes.  I neglect them horribly and the soil isn't great.  I'm hoping to improve that with my compost. 

Saturday, August 16, 2008 8:42:37 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

That crazy woman with the four kids trailing her all over the store, taking up too much room with her kids in the back to school section?  Who kept losing one of them? 

Yeah, that was me.

What possesed me to take four kids out shopping today?  Well,  A -  we needed food.   B - Maura's car seat (her Britax Gianormus) was in the mini van...that was parked at the airport for the next few days.  Maura needs a 5 pt harness.  Especially if we're going to drive through city traffic to get to a friend's Chuck E. Cheese party next Tuesday.  We're like half the party, we have to show up! 

So we hit Target for the car seat, then wandered into the back to school section.  The kids whined a bit, until I threatened to start dancing around, singing "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year".  That humored the stock boy who overheard us.  Glad I could bring some joy to his life.  I also found some joy shopping the "back to college" section.  Since we live near the Great and Victorious U of Michigan, they have great college sales.  I found a butterfly chair.  I love butterfly chairs.  LOVE.  We had one for the longest time, until the seat cover ripped and I couldn't find a replacement cover.

We also did a little shoplifting.  By pure accident of course!  Two items slid under the car seat box, which Sean noticed just as we exited the doors of Target.  He said "Uh, are we going to pay for those things?"  Shoot!  Maura and I ran back in with said shoplifted items and became honest people again. 

Then it was off to Meijer.  Since I never heard of Meijer before we moved here, it's kind of like a Super Wal Mart, only way way better.  I've started grocery shopping there b/c we really can't afford Whole Paycheck Foods for full on grocery shopping, but I still want the organic stuff.  Meijer has it's own line of organic goods.  Like milk, and ketchup.  They also buy much of their produce locally.  They also have an ice cream stand in the produce section, so the kids got ice cream cones.  Why?  Because Maura was full on screech mode, wanting the grapes.  The ice cream cone kept her quiet for almost the whole trip.  I got my ninety-nine cents worth out of it!

Yeah, my Friday has been just off the wall fun.  Now I have to make dinner early since ice cream cones were lunch.  I would think that would make me a bad mom, but the kids disagree. 

Friday, August 15, 2008 4:08:12 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

Really, there's not much to report from these regions.  Collin has asked me 15 times about playing Wii, to which I've always answered "no".  Sean is gluing popsicle sticks together.  Maura spilled cereal all over the living room floor, and then brought me what was left and a bowl.  And Miriam just went outside with her self-made fishing pole (a stick with some string), with a carrot tied to the end, after announcing that she's going to go rabbit fishing.

Yep, nothing  unusual going on here.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008 2:08:51 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [1] 

I do believe this song is appropo for my "What do you mean I have to wait three more weeks still for school to start?" state of mind.

"Funny Farm" by Dr. Demento -

Tuesday, August 12, 2008 10:11:04 AM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

So last Saturday, I bought a loaf of bread.  On Sunday morning, Josh went to make french toast and asked me where the bread was.

"On the counter."  I replied.

He held up the bag of bread...which only had four slices left.

"Check the breadbox."  I suggested.

He did. The breadbox was empty.

Now, we didn't have grilled cheese for dinner, nor did Miriam make "cakes" out of several pieces of bread, like I would do as a child.  That left only a couple of scenarios.  Either the dog at a bunch of it, it got dropped and spilled onto the floor and someone threw away 27 slices of bread, or Maura was somehow involved.

Today, we found our answer - scenarios A and C.  We discovered this as Josh and I sat here at the table, on our laptops, and Maura comes in with three pieces of bread and the dog following her.  She stops, the dog sits, and Maura tosses a piece of bread to the floor.

We hide a lot of things from this child, but bread?  That never made my list of things to keep away from Maura. 

Friday, August 08, 2008 12:46:40 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

Okay, so I actually don't find the term "retarded" offensive when used correctly.  I'm pretty relaxed about these things, even joke that we should buy a short bus and paint it up all Partridge family style. And as you can tell from my previous post, I can see the humor in our lifestyle at times.

This isn't one of those times.

In the new movie "Tropic Thunder", with Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr., there is a scene that uses the line "Never go full retard." , as two characters are talking about acting and a movie the Ben Stiller character did called "Simple Jack" - as you can see, the poster reads "Once upon a time, there was a retard..."

My friend Joe sent me the link about this movie and I am so disappointed. I actually saw the previews (w/o the Simple Jack reference), thought it looked funny and wanted to see it. I like a lot of Jack Black movies.  I thought it was something Josh and I could go see together.

Now, not so much.

Granted, I could be biased b/c I hvae a child who could eventually get the diagnosis of "mental retardation", and am not looking forward to the day some snotnosed tween says to her "What are you, retarded?" in that horrible nasty tone. However, since I am usually very laid back about things and the first to crack a joke about how "special" we all are...that this gets to me tells me that this is probably pretty damned offensive to others in similar boats to ours. 

So, you've been informed.  You can make your own decisions about these things.  I guess the moral of the story is, before making fun of "retards", remember that there is a face behind the joke.  The face of a person someone cares about. 

Thursday, August 07, 2008 12:41:37 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

Maura and I were out and about town all afternoon.  She saw her neurologist and then we ran errands.

Okay, so this may be too much detail for some, but Maura is five, her bladder is ready to potty train but her mind isn't.  So she wears pull ups.  She can remain dry for hours and then the floodgates open.  I am usually prepared for such things and make sure I'm armed and ready for whenever this happens.

So we went to Target, which took forever since Maura kept throwing stuff onto the floor from her seat in the cart, then wanted out, then kept wandering off, blah blah the usual thing.  We leave, and I notice that the hem of her sundress is damp.  I peek at the pull up and yep, it's reached full capacity.  We're at the car and I realize there is no discreet way to change her at the car (maybe if she was two years old, I could get away with it, but five?) 

I decide to just run back into Target with her and use their very clean facilities to change her.  Now, it's a little after 6 pm, it's very busy, all the "heading home from work" shoppers are out, traffic is at a high, and we're trying to dart across the parking lot to the store.  Only Maura trips in the middle of the driving lane...she trips because her pull up has fallen to her ankles.

There I am, in the middle of traffic with a child with a fallen pull up.  Greeeeeaaaaaat.  I decide to just lift and run her to the curb.  I then quickly whip the pull up back to its intended position as discreetly as possible.  We go to walk into the store and bam.  Pull up falls again. 

I will be honest...I considered just ripping the sucker off and putting it in the trash can right next to us.  But visions of her then peeing all over the sidewalk went through my head.  So I yank the sucker back up. 

And then I laughed.  And Maura laughed.  And then I noticed people around us, on the sidewalk, in their cars, crossing the parking lot, are also giggling at us. 

It was funny.  And it was a classic case of "sometimes, you just gotta laugh".  It was also one of those times I can hear my therapist say "It's a good thing you have such a good sense of humor." 

But talk about extreme diaper failure!  I mentioned to her that it would be nice if she potty trained as I picked her up and carried her to the bathroom.  I wasn't risking that darned thing falling down inside the store! 

Wednesday, August 06, 2008 9:10:39 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

I love my kids.  But the bickering happening in the next room is driving me to the point that I'm going to make one of those countdown tickers to let me know just how soon school will start.

It's not really fighting.  Lord knows I saw enough of that with my two older brothers to recognize it easily.  No, this is that ever-so-special "I'm so annoyed with life so going to pick on you" tone of voice.  The annoyment is cause by the fact they have to do chores.  Collin, being the oldest, feels he is in charge of Sean.  Sean, being Sean, is ignoring him.  Miriam, who is running a slight fever and supposed to be resting, is in the middle, being her general pesky younger sister self.

So there's a lot of "Sean!  Sean!  Sean!  SEAN! Sean would you answer me?  SEAN!" and "No Mim!  I don't want to play dolls!  I said NO!"  And lets not forget the heart-warming eyeroll from the eldest when I asked him to get the plates off the table.  "But I just need cups to fill the dishwasher."  I understand that.  But since you're here at the table, take these with you.

eyeroll.

sigh.

Maura is at school - last week of the summer program for her class.  So she's at least out from underfoot.  She's been on a tear again.  There's crayon marks on my newly painted walls to show for it.

However, the pile of Oxyclean on the laundry room floor?  All me baby!  I knocked that bucket off the dryer and of course, it had to spill all over.  Josh was on a call so I just shoved it all to one side, to be vacuumed up later. 

Oh yes, the fun never ends around here!

Wednesday, August 06, 2008 10:00:22 AM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

Yes, I've hit that level of crazy - I decided to try my hand at composting this year.  I'm not as dedicated as I could have been, but what I have done has turned out pretty darn decently.  It's not a big pile of moldy nastiness.  It actually smells like compost!

Someone on my diaper making board posted this link which shows you how to make a compost bin out of a garbage can.  Which is what I did...while Josh wasn't at home so I could avoid the "Uh...why are you putting holes in a garbage can?" line of questioning that could have ended up with him calling up my therapist and insisting I have finally lost it. 

But it's turned out well.  I threw in a lot of the weeds and leaves we pulled out from the areas we planted flowers this year.  Then things like leftover salad, strawberry tops, the bunch of bananas that turned bad about a day after we brought them home from the grocery store (I've never seen bananas turn that quickly!) 

Of course, then there was the "Uh...so what do we do with it now?" question.  And then life gave me the answer.  Last year, I tried growing tomatoes...which I was somewhat successful with.  They were planted in the two cement boxes that flank the side door. In the spring, I decided to pull up all the dead plants and put some petunias there instead.  The flowers did okay, but the bed got neglected and then when I went to weed it, I discovered I had tomato plants growing again!  One vine has three little green tomatoes on it this week!

So my new plan is that in the fall, I shall clear out both those boxes and make that a little kitchen garden.  The soil there is awful, so I am going to use the compost there, mix it up well, and hopefully it will do nice things in the spring. 

Monday, August 04, 2008 11:03:35 AM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

Don't worry, my three blog fans, I'm not giving this up ;)

I'm just debating a site name change and more "me" looking blog.  It seems weird that my site is "Life as Mommy" when none of my kids call me "mommy".  Not even Maura.  I'm Mom or Mama.  Or "Mom...Mom...MooOOOoom..Mom Mom Mom" or "Mama! Mama! Mama!". 

I'll have to discuss this with the tech department (Josh) and also see what the web designer (me) can come up with.  But don't expect changes overnight.  I still have more walls to paint.  Lunch to eat.  Medicine to dispense.  Laundry to do.  And all that jazz. 

Friday, August 01, 2008 12:36:48 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0] 

This is one of those times my Catholicism kicks in, because I have the urge to say "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.  It has been two weeks since my last blog post."

I can't help it.  And I don't care.

But I've been a busy little homemaker.  And I use the term "homemaker" literally.  I've been painting walls. Repeatedly.  The same four walls.  And the new living room is looking very cool and very colorful.  I'd post a picture, but some small child wandered off with my camera.  And I'm researching canning.  Yes, canning.  Like making my own delicious jams and jellies.  Plus, some decorating.  Making the house that home that reflects who I am...or at least, who I imagine I am.

I've always been the gal who loves her stuff.  When we moved from our college town to Arkansas after Josh graduated from college, some of our stuff was left behind with friends to be shipped.  Some items never made it to me, despite messages and making sure they had enough money to ship it.  Books, mixing bowls, all my shoes.  And I mourned those items.  I like my stuff. 

But in the past few years, I went from a stuff-lover to a slight horder.  I not only became attached to my stuff, but the kids stuff - toys, clothes, shoes.  Soon we were wading through stuff.  And because I felt I couldn't decorate until I got a hold of the stuff situation, our house was just a big pile of clutter with plain walls.

And then, a couple months ago, I had a breakthrough.  Searching for pictures my grandfather took during WWII in one of their two storage units, my mother and I came across my grandmother's desk.  The desk that was the first item of furniture she bought as a married woman.  I loved that desk.  I loved how it folded down to reveal all its little compartments, and the little door that I was certain as a child held magical things behind it.  And as I gushed over the desk, my mother informed me she was going to give it to my sister.

I was slightly crushed.  I love that desk.  I love my grandmother.  I didn't say anything to my mother, because she had made up her mind, and I didn't want to seem jealous or greedy...even if I was really both.  But then, as I drove home, I kept thinking about the desk.  And then it occurred to me that I still had my grandmother's love even if I didn't have her desk.  I have the ring she gave me for my 21st birthday - the amethyst ring she always wore when I was a child, that I loved because it reminded me of a flower.  I have the ring, her love, and wonderful memories of time spent with her.  Not having the desk wasn't going to change that.  At the end of the day, the desk was just stuff. 

Oh sure, I'd still love to have the desk.  But I'm not going to be heartbroken about it.  And I don't know how, but that moment made me start looking at everything else in the house.  What's just stuff, and what I really want to keep. 

Suddenly, I was able to go through things ruthlessly - the toys, the clothes, the stuff.  I'd give a sigh over an item or two, and then pack it up.  Some things were donated, some were just trashed (really, who needs 11 year old Duplo blocks?  I think we got our money's worth out of them.)  All those shoes?  Most went.  Kitchen items I just don't use - why save?  Yes, that little pink coat was great, but do I need to save it on the off chance I have another girl someday?  No. 

Now, the two boxes of maternity clothes...those stay.  Because you know, if I get rid of those, I will get pregnant a month later.  Why jinx myself? 

Oh, I'm no where near done with sorting through all the stuff.  But I'm in more control of it all.  And in sorting through all that stuff, I found some of the things I really do love.  Like my little glass bottles that have gone from windowsill to windowsill are now on a shelf in my kitchen.  Right by my Kermit the Frog "Muppet News" mug that my Grandma Gen gave me when I was a child. 

It's very freeing, getting rid of the stuff that's holding me back and getting out the stuff I love.  And painting walls fun bright odd colors.  My home is feeling more me day by day. 

Thursday, July 31, 2008 9:57:07 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00)    Comments [0]