Oh look, I'm posting.
This is one of those times my Catholicism kicks in, because I have the urge to say "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been two weeks since my last blog post."
I can't help it. And I don't care.
But I've been a busy little homemaker. And I use the term "homemaker" literally. I've been painting walls. Repeatedly. The same four walls. And the new living room is looking very cool and very colorful. I'd post a picture, but some small child wandered off with my camera. And I'm researching canning. Yes, canning. Like making my own delicious jams and jellies. Plus, some decorating. Making the house that home that reflects who I am...or at least, who I imagine I am.
I've always been the gal who loves her stuff. When we moved from our college town to Arkansas after Josh graduated from college, some of our stuff was left behind with friends to be shipped. Some items never made it to me, despite messages and making sure they had enough money to ship it. Books, mixing bowls, all my shoes. And I mourned those items. I like my stuff.
But in the past few years, I went from a stuff-lover to a slight horder. I not only became attached to my stuff, but the kids stuff - toys, clothes, shoes. Soon we were wading through stuff. And because I felt I couldn't decorate until I got a hold of the stuff situation, our house was just a big pile of clutter with plain walls.
And then, a couple months ago, I had a breakthrough. Searching for pictures my grandfather took during WWII in one of their two storage units, my mother and I came across my grandmother's desk. The desk that was the first item of furniture she bought as a married woman. I loved that desk. I loved how it folded down to reveal all its little compartments, and the little door that I was certain as a child held magical things behind it. And as I gushed over the desk, my mother informed me she was going to give it to my sister.
I was slightly crushed. I love that desk. I love my grandmother. I didn't say anything to my mother, because she had made up her mind, and I didn't want to seem jealous or greedy...even if I was really both. But then, as I drove home, I kept thinking about the desk. And then it occurred to me that I still had my grandmother's love even if I didn't have her desk. I have the ring she gave me for my 21st birthday - the amethyst ring she always wore when I was a child, that I loved because it reminded me of a flower. I have the ring, her love, and wonderful memories of time spent with her. Not having the desk wasn't going to change that. At the end of the day, the desk was just stuff.
Oh sure, I'd still love to have the desk. But I'm not going to be heartbroken about it. And I don't know how, but that moment made me start looking at everything else in the house. What's just stuff, and what I really want to keep.
Suddenly, I was able to go through things ruthlessly - the toys, the clothes, the stuff. I'd give a sigh over an item or two, and then pack it up. Some things were donated, some were just trashed (really, who needs 11 year old Duplo blocks? I think we got our money's worth out of them.) All those shoes? Most went. Kitchen items I just don't use - why save? Yes, that little pink coat was great, but do I need to save it on the off chance I have another girl someday? No.
Now, the two boxes of maternity clothes...those stay. Because you know, if I get rid of those, I will get pregnant a month later. Why jinx myself?
Oh, I'm no where near done with sorting through all the stuff. But I'm in more control of it all. And in sorting through all that stuff, I found some of the things I really do love. Like my little glass bottles that have gone from windowsill to windowsill are now on a shelf in my kitchen. Right by my Kermit the Frog "Muppet News" mug that my Grandma Gen gave me when I was a child.
It's very freeing, getting rid of the stuff that's holding me back and getting out the stuff I love. And painting walls fun bright odd colors. My home is feeling more me day by day.
Thursday, July 31, 2008 9:57:07 PM (Eastern Standard Time, UTC-05:00) 
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